Quem amat, amat; quem non amat, non amat.
(Petronius, Satyricon 37)

Whom she loves, she loves; whom she does not love, she does not love.

(pron = kwem AH-mat AH-mat kwem nohn AH-mat nohn AH-mat)

Comment: This line is from a work that was written during the reign of Nero by a
man who was in Nero’s court, and then who committed suicide when he fell into
Nero’s disfavor. Seneca, the Stoic philosopher, met the same end at about the
same time from the same emperor. Seneca wrote heavy, moral philosophy, and
difficult plays on moral themes. Petronius wrote the Satyricon, almost an
inversion if not a perversion of those same themes.

Suffice it to say that this line not only describes a character in the
Satyricon, but also represents something about the work itself. It gives a
clearer view of what real people thought and felt than most Latin literature of
the time.

This line describes a woman now married to a very wealthy freedman. She had
once been “the kind you would not accept even a piece of bread from”. She is
his everything now. But, she has a sharp tongue. She is a magpie among the
sparrows. Whomever she loves, she loves and says so. Whomever she does not
love, she does not love and says so.

No pretense. Where do we learn pretense? I don’t cherish offending others, but
neither do I enjoy spending time and energy with those with whom I am not
fitted, for whatever reason. Where do we learn pretense, and how old were we
when speaking honestly became wrong? For how long has our culture engendered
pretense and called it “good manners”?

I am a man with long hair and a beard. Once a few years ago, I was walking out
of the fitness center where I worked out regularly. A 3 year old girl and her
mom were walking out, too. The little girl said in a very loud 3 year old
voice: is that a man or a woman? I turned and smiled at her and said: I am a
man. Too late. Mom was shushing her, and hurrying her along. Little girl was
made wrong. Her question was made wrong. I was made wrong. My response was
silenced. Interchange short-changed. Lesson learned. And she won’t ever
really remember how she learned that it was not okay to ask honest questions.
But, she will have good manners.